I even sent messages to Waitrose HQ and asked in store but nobody could find ''that recipe with the matchstick potato sticks, the bay-leaves and the cream'' which is all I remembered.
If you are tempted I give you the link to the recipe:http://www.waitrose.com/content/waitrose/en/home/recipes/recipe_directory/s/swede__leek_and_potato_gratin.html
I finally rediscovered the recipe card and quickly glued it into our ''family recipes'' booklet.
We each have a drawer for our shoes/ ankle boots and the top 3 are hats/scarves/gloves , the ratan ones are decorative scarves and slippers respectively.
I would just love to make something similar, a bit smaller and with blue inserted bits..!!!
So please leave at this point because I'm going to say not such happy or uplifting things from here on in.
No photos either to discourage interest, I'm going to have a bit of a rant.
On the bright side I have had a few cries, really shuddering good old cry - sessions to let out all those fears and unspoken worries.Day 10 today and I got my breast clinic appointment for the 26th. Had to cancel a very important meeting in London but there you go, health comes first?Wishing it was sooner,every day not knowing ANYTHING SEEMS SUCH AGONY. Keep thinking POSITIVE but you can't help yourself can you ? Am I just being feeble? I think about death and funerals and about the things I HAVE to do before my last breath.... I think about chemotherapy and loss of hair and throwing up and will I lose weight?
I think : oh now I can eat lots of naughty things , and lets buy everything I like because I may not be able to later on? And lots of treats like crisps or a new coat , or colourful leggings and anything fun and not very ''sensible''. Living in the moment: and why not watch tv and crochet?!!! What's the point of studying when I may never need those exams....???? How silly it all is and yet and yet: would I not regret it if the diagnosis turns out bad? My boob is half grey/black now. It was blue first and then purple. A giant bruise. It's almost 50% . Is this normal? Who do you ask? See your GP says JJ and a friend but I've been so busy with all this transition to Public Health England malarky. What can the GP say anyway? The bruise was there on the first visit when she said she'd refer me. Well that's done and I have the appointment. In 10 days time. I'll have had it for 20 days. UNLESS of course it shrinks and goes away like any well behaved cyst SHOULD DO.
Immediately please? It's no longer rain rain go away and come again another day BUT cyst cyst go away and never ever dare come again another day... Oh and did I mention the rage? I've been so cross!
Livid really. That was last weekend especially. Just CROSS, ANGRY with myself and my body and my silly cells for misbehaving like this and my thoughts for allowing it to happen and to think the most terrible things.
RAGE, red hot flew around my body and brain and I could have destroyed a few things.
Didn't of course although I may have been a bit short tempered with the girls- poor things- but hey who'd have thought it? Rage and denial, luckily came soon after. NOT ME. Cannot be happening.
It's a bit like my miscarriages, of which I have had 9* in my time. Especially the one from the infected needle that aborted a healthy baby girl- embryo at 22 weeks: that was rage and denial on a grand scale in 1997.
That was Nicola and a lot of WHY ME, WHY HER and why if it's only 1 in 200 did it happen to me? Mind you eventually I was also thankful that I didn't die myself as my kidneys almost failed.The Dr had sent me home when I had leaked and complained of feeling unwell almost immediately after the amniocentesis.
24 hours later it was an ambulance that rushed me to A&E without a pulse.
The others were less painful a result of ''bad eggs'' and a thankfully efficient system - of my body by my body-to rid itself of embryos which may have been defective in some way? A very interesting article in the Sunday Telegraph discusses the same topic: page 12 of SEVEN: by Jemima Lewis: Do Older Parents hold the world in their hands?
* = the reason I don't have 3 children. I always thought I'd have 3 but it was not to be and you have to give up trying at some point don't you? I DO feel so very very blessed that I DID have my two wonderful girls.
Then there's those thoughts that wonder if longevity is just not in my genes? I never knew 3 of my 4 grandparents, they died either before or shortly after my birth and I am now almost two years older than the age at which my own father died? That wasn't cancer though, that was a heart attack. He'd been a smoker in the 40's and 50's and had TB in the second world war which was ''treated'' with the removal of a lung AND a diet of cream?!! Very high cholesterol was the Swiss treatment for TB in those days? Clogged his arteries.
Phew thanks for listening. Got to do some epidemiology now. Feeling more positive when I thonk of all the times I COULD have died in the past and didn't. Or been injured but wasn't. THANK YOU my dear guardian Angels?!!!THANK YOU.
My mum was refused Thalidomide when she actually asked for it as her Dutch GP didn't trust giving any medicines in pregnancy. THANK YOU. she was told to stay in bed and have my dad bring her a cuppa and a biscuit in the morning.
Then I was booked to be visiting the Tower of London and it's underground exhibits in the 1970's when it was bombed the very afternoon of my booked visit. I wasn't there, I had cancelled due to a slight illness and was at home with an Aunt in London instead. PHEW. THANK YOU .
So there we are: how will this continue? Wait and see. And HOPE and pray with me?