Sunday, 24 October 2010


Woke up with an aching right side, shoulder especially and still have that cold from 29 September so very short of breath a lot. Even at 5 am this time. So decided to have a lovely snuggle in bed and read my book as above.
It's about a girl in her mid twenties who spends 3 months in the 4 parts of the UK: Wales,Ireland, Scotland and Cornwall, she's trying to find her purpose, a home, a love and eventually her destiny : ie the life she's supposed to be living.
It's very good and makes you wonder and think.
Here I am thinking and wondering about the very same. Well not about my love or my home or where to live- although I would so very much like a countryside view(!!!!!!) - hills, mountains or sea but a bit of nature to look at other than one's garden. And of course I did rather lose my heart to Hampshire and the South Downs when I was 16 rather than the Chilterns and Oxfordshire. Though of course they are quite pretty too. My drive to work passes some lovely scenic hilly views and I found a lovely spot in Long Crendon where you can sit and watch the view too.
Meanwhile back to the point: what am I to DO next? Raising the girls and looking after family,partner and dogs will be part of it BUT I too am searching for something meaningful and pleasant to do in the next 10-15 years. It's a bonus if it pays well, where that used to be a pre-requisite but I want to HELP in some way, Contribute, have an effect in a positive way on people's lives in the local community. But how?
Teach crochet? Teach sewing and machine embroidery? Local classes or in a school, say a secondary school? Or run a wool and crafts shop with a chatty and stitchy cafe element?
Somewhere to come and chat and make something for friends and family or for charity- like charity granny square blankets? Preemie hats for the hospital? Or work in Public Health? Advising on campaigns for vaccinations and analysing data to help improve services?
Still the yarn and fabrics keep calling me.
As in the crocheting the button bands and hem on Rona - as above- afforded me such delight, such pleasure, it's amazing. Lovely corner isn't it? Straight and mitered beautifully. Sumptuous tweedy colours. Even with a 3mm hook( not my preferred size) it was lovely to work this, it felt good and I was so content.
If I do go ahead I'll have to find way to do so. JJ says a business plan but I haven't got as far as that yet. What , where, how often? Will it be popular? Are the demographics right or should I do it in Oxford?
Or do something more ''medical''? Physiotherapy? Psychotherapy? Occupational therapy? Acupuncture? Grinberg Method? Counselling? Style Management/Advisor? Wardrobe planning?
Or something else entirely? Writing novels or creative books- how to....-Agony Aunt?
These bootees made for an expected baby by a colleague are awaiting an address to be sent to - as well as the choice of ribbon which I have not yet made.

My father died aged 51. A few weeks before his 52nd birthday. Heart Attack. Sudden. Unexpected. Un planned or prepared for. I still miss him every day. Still cry for him.
What If I do the same ? Then I have only 1.5 to 2 years left. Better make 'm good ones.

How did the years go so fast? Key moments which I remember:
Dad's death. My first kiss. Moving to the UK. Learning to sail and winning the first Langstone Regatta as crew. Making custard from scratch for a boyfriend who then broke my heart.
Dancing at tea dances because mum would not/ could not find ballroom dancing lessons for me.
Doing A'levels. Going skiing with 6th form. Choosing what to put on an UCCA form. Choosing a University for it's countryside, walking clubs and hours of sunshine per year.
Leeds versus Newcastle upon Tyne and Newcastle won.
That walk down the long corridor at the RVI after midnight after a busy session in A&E.
The stolen suitcase on my trip home for Christmas. and all the effects that had.
Chrisje's wedding and the older boyfriend episode. Gilbert and Sullivan performances.
The medic's Revue. That song: we'll all be doctors in a year or two and we'll be treating you....
The visit to Calgary. The panic and loneliness and isolation of Stockton on Tees. The weirdness of Whitehaven. Alberta College of Art. Mithe de Fontenay. Swimming daily. Skiing weekly.
Suede trousers. Goppi. Chester Deloittes. 1 Little New Street.Golders Green. Hampstead Garden Suburb. Wendy. Touche Ross & partners. Dwygyfylchi and the mountain views as well as the sea views from the top of the hills. Aber Falls. Julie and the gym. Black bin bag and red van day. An apartment with high ceilings and mountain views. OCA. The little Wrexham house.
Dairy Barn Moreton and the Ambulance .The cruise on the Nile. Joyful births and the ecstacy and euphoria when I realised that I really was a MUM at last. 9 miscarriages, 3 before, 1 in the middle and 5 since the youngest. Old eggs I expect. Watford sewing club leading to many years City 'n Guilds. Winning first prize for an embroidered garden. Exhibitions. Thame Show. OCC, R'sons,SPH. 10-12 years flying by, whizzing away and feeling afloat. ( adrift?!)
Where are the plans, the progression? Nervous breakdown at 40. ( not mine!)
Serious car accident. Meddling, interfering family members who do not understand. On both sides. Charity work? Abroad? Children to consider. Walk the entire footpaths of Britain?!! When? Mum with dementia, JJ on medication for the above breakdown- many responsibilities. Highlight of my week: baking, cooking new recipes , creating and crochet and especially: country dancing and singing! Newly re- discovered.
and always: walking the dogs in the countryside on a sunny day. No mobile phone. Just dogs and country. Many thoughts and maybe some singing.

Have lived and lost in Wales so need to visit Ireland: ALWYN!!! And Clare in Edinburgh.
Would like to see Cornwall ( mum and I did Devon in a caravan in 1978: it rained) as per the book and also the ANDREWS by GAINSBOROUGH - a trip to London and the National Gallery perhaps? Horoscope says the time is ripe/right to take a risk and go for it.
( but WHAT exactly?)

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